Rihanna gets tired of men sometimes…and I can damn sure relate

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Rihanna has been killing it lately. From the Fenty beauty line to new lingerie and movie roles, she has been living her best life and doesn’t show any signs of losing steam. It’s been reported recently that superstar Rihanna has allegedly broken up with her latest billionaire boyfriend, and the reason given was that she ” just gets tired of men sometimes”. As soon as I read her reasoning, I immediately threw my hands in the air and yelled a long and dramatic ” YESSSSSSSSSSS GIRL!!!”, and I can only imagine that plenty of other women across the world felt exactly the same (even if they didn’t react in the extra-ish way that I did).

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Now before the social media world decides to begin crucifying Rihanna or any other women that agree with her feelings, take a minute to breathe and understand that what she said is not “male-bashing”.  She’s not disowning men or saying anything disrespectful. She’s also not “breaking hearts as usual” like the media has made her out to be doing. Rihanna is just expressing what many of us go through and vent about in our own circles. The truth is….we DO get tired of men sometimes, and that’s totally okay. We get sick of them sometimes just as they get sick of us sometimes. However, it’s always seemed to be more socially acceptable for men to complain about us, and not the other way around. Men get to complain about how indecisive, moody, boring, dramatic, petty, full of crap,etc. women are, and the rest of the world laughs and often agrees. However, any woman that speaks up about men doing many of the same things,is called a male-basher or “bitter”.

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I can absolutely relate to Rihanna’s decision to allegedly end the relationship for the reason that she did. I’ve been there on more than one occasion. Sometimes two people just don’t work out, and not everybody chooses to sit in situations trying to force them to work or change. People stop messing around everyday. Breakups and/or ending a casual dating situation doesn’t have to be due to someone cheating, being abusive, or something dramatic all the time. Sometimes you’re just…..over it. Every relationship you find yourself involved in is not meant to last, and you’re not a terrible person for deciding to walk away once you realize that. You’re not a terrible person or a “man eater” simply because you choose to make decisions for your own love life and what is needed to maintain happiness in your life journey. Things don’t have to be falling apart or toxic for them to end….sometimes it’s simply that what once worked for you just doesn’t anymore. And some people are strong enough to not settle, because we know that walking alone isn’t the same thing as being lonely.

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Some men are just like some women in many ways. They sometimes complain too much, do too much, lie too much, get lazy, and plenty of other things we all tend to get sick of when dealing with the opposite sex at times. And sometimes we may just think we want a relationship, only to realize -once we get into one- that being single was the better option at that point in time. Not only that, sometimes we just realize that the person we’ve decided to be with is not the person we see ourselves with for the long haul after all. We’re not so different from men. We all want to be happy and in control of who and what we spend most of our time and energy on. Rihanna’s no different than the rest of us in that aspect.

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Is Rihanna toxic? I don’t know. Were they even in an official, committed relationship? Who knows? Is there a pattern of her jumping from relationship to relationship? I don’t follow her love life enough to know these things. What I do know is that I’m giving Rihanna the ultimate high five right now, if the reports are even true. Her actions are proving that not only is she taking control of her life and who remains in it…she’s also completely content with just doing her. So why is this a problem when a woman does it, but when a guy chooses to walk away from a relationship, he’s only trying to find “the right one”?

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This isn’t really even about Rihanna or her love life for me. It’s about society’s ridiculous way of determining a woman’s value by her relationship status. The narrative that an independent woman who is actually happy and single has to have something wrong or toxic going on is played out and tired. The narrative that if you’re single it’s because you can’t find or keep a man is even more ridiculous. Some of the most abusive, toxic people stay in relationships the longest. I’m not saying you have to jump in and out of relationships depending on which way the wind blows, and I’m not saying that you need to be a serial dater either. I’m simply saying that when you find yourself not being happy with the situation you’re in, you’re not obligated or a monster if you choose not to stay. You don’t need a partner attached at your hip to enjoy life. You don’t need to be in a relationship to win, and you don’t need anyone by your side in order to feel valuable,desired, or significant. It’s not a crime to remove yourself from any relationship that you no longer desire, instead of leading anyone on or remaining unhappy. So yes…some of us do get tired of men sometimes, and guess what? If we choose to take a break from them altogether and just focus on ourselves…there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

 

 

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3 Not So Typical Places You May Meet Your Mr. Right

 

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Dating can be tough. If 2017 taught you anything about dating, it was that the process of finding decent guys to date is sometimes equivalent to banging your head against a wall, and hoping for some kind of miracle that will knock the wall down.  Why does it seem like most women feel like all guys in the dating pool are the same? Sometimes that is exactly the case, because you’re looking in the same ole places and expecting different results. Don’t be afraid to try new venues in order to meet potential partners, and release your hang ups about places that aren’t so “normal”. Here are a few places to keep in mind as you tackle dating this year.
Charity Events 
What better way to meet someone with a big heart than through events where everyone’s donating or volunteering for a cause? This is a great way to meet guys that could have the same passion and purpose as you. This not only gives you a chance to make a difference and give back to your community, but also to interact  with potential partners that have similar life goals.
Does this mean that every guy at these events will be a great match or sincere in their intentions? Not necessarily, but it’s a good place to take a chance. After all, these men are choosing to take time out of their schedules and help serve others. A selfless spirit is already a plus.
Online
I know,I know….I tend to cringe too sometimes at the automatic thought of hookup sites disguised as dating sites that help you to find your forever. I’ve definitely had my fair share of horror stories and comedy from my dating site trial and error phases. But set aside your urge to roll your eyes, dismissing the internet altogether based off past experiences or the popular opinion of infamous dating sites.
Give decent dating sites another breath of life. It may seem like most guys there are only looking for a quick, good time, but don’t be so quick to
write  off every guy that reaches out to you as such. A little online conversation doesn’t hurt anyone, and sometimes leads to great relationships and networking. Don’t be in a rush to take things offline just because someone else is. Take your time, and remember that you control your the pace of whatever you decide to pursue.
Another thing to remember is that you can use non dating sites online to meet others also. Don’t let the negative talk of being “thirsty” and “sliding in DM’s” scare you away from trying to get to know those you interact with online. We’re all adults, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with speaking respectfully and privately with someone you have an interest in. Don’t be afraid to use regular social networking platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram as places to meet someone. It’s a great way to meet those with similar interests as you that you may not run into daily offline.
Bookstores
This may sound cliche,but you’d be surprised how many people overlook the possibility of meeting an intelligent, creative, and driven partner inside a bookstore. This is another one of those situations where you can hit two birds with one stone, because you can possibly meet someone with substance while also getting a chance to pick up books you’re interested, or books that will help you to advance in your own craft.
If bookstores don’t make you feel like you’re in a beautiful corner of Heaven (as they make me feel, don’t judge) and they’re not your normal place to frequent, start small. Step into one to simply sit and enjoy a coffee while people watching. Eventually you can work your way up to browsing the store, or even bringing your laptop to sit and get your work done peacefully. It’s actually quite relaxing for those that have never chilled in a bookstore before.
Everything that works for others isn’t always going to work for you,and vice versa. Don’t miss out on a potentially great match for yourself by continuing to search in the same places you’ve always frequented, or by overlooking places that don’t seem as exciting. Take on a different approach to dating this year, and as time goes on you’ll find that it will bring about some positive results.