You used to be enough..but that’s no longer good for me

I remember when I’d be the happiest girl ever to receive a text from you in the morning or early afternoon. I’d be all giddy and blushing, because I loved to hear from you. Even if it was short it made my day. 

I remember when I used to think that I was the luckiest girl in the world to be dating someone like you. Tall and handsome, friendly,driven, and all other women seemed to do anything and everything to get your attention, even before we met. Yet you chose me.

I remember when you’d text and say you were coming over at the end of the evening once you were done hanging out with your boys. I would eagerly jump up and make sure I had your favorite movies and drinks available. Make sure I cooked one of your fave meals or picked up food from somewhere we enjoy eating together.

Then I remember waking up one day feeling different. Those morning/afternoon texts no longer were good enough. The excuse of “I’m not a fan of talking on the phone” no longer was one I would accept. I want someone that ignores how much they dislike phone conversations because they enjoy my company, or simply want to hear my voice. I want more than 160 characters grouped together in empty textversations that fade into nothing after 4 or 5 exchanges.

I remember the day i realized that you enjoyed your role of ladies man way too much, to the point that it had turned you into a male attention whore. Where women were willing to any and everything to catch your eye or get some of your time, you were willing to do any and everything to keep that status and attention from any and everyone you could get it from. Your personality changed. You proudly  became a man that disrespects,degrades, and reduces women to body parts and sex. I no longer felt lucky that I had what other women wanted. I remember that feeling turning into disgust and saying to myself that those other women can have you. They’d probably be a better fit. Attention whores seem to work better together. 

I remember when I finally realized that all those nights you chose to end with me had nothing to do with you wanting me to be the last person you spent time with before you closed your eyes, or the first person you saw when you woke up. I realized that was just your “for-sure” at the end of the night once you’re done partying every weekend (with the same fellas you kick it with every day) and once you’re done meeting the thirsty women you’ve added to your contacts to rotate in with me next week. Yeah of course you wouldn’t be anywhere you didn’t want  to be, but wanting to be everywhere else until the wee hours of the night was no longer enough.

I have no desire to engage in situationships. I have no desire to associate with desperate attention seekers, because they’re always looking for the next best thing. I no longer have a need for a textationship. I desire meaningful conversation on a consistent basis, not just when you can find the time after getting drunk to come by.  

So when you playfully hit my inbox or text messages these days, cracking jokes about me abandoning you because you’re not good enough,the truth is..you’re absolutely right. 

A quick lesson on worth and relationships 

A lot of people have this wrong,that’s why relationships and marriages don’t always last as we expect them to. So many ppl seek companionship that will make them complete,in substitution for seeking to be whole and complete before they provide companionship to someone else. 

Your worth should NEVER be determined by your relationship status. People can make you feel happy,but they don’t complete you. Feeling whole is an inside job. 💕 #healthyforevers 

When the past walks back into your life….

Sometimes, whether you like it or not, the past makes a guest appearance in your life. It gives you all kinds of mixed emotions. You tell yourself that you won’t fall for the same things that got your heart broken last time. You convince yourself that maybe….just maybe…they’ve returned as a sign that you should give them another chance. You wonder why the cards fell this way to make you have to wonder anything at all about this person that you thought you wouldn’t hear from ever again. 

But just like that,they’re back. And so is your confusion. What will you do if they want to see you? What will you do if they reach for your hand or a kiss? All kinds of hypothetical questions cross your mind and upset your whole being. 

Breathe…remember why things didn’t work out. Only you know the true reasons, and only you know if that person deserves another chance to be in your life. Don’t overcomplicate things. You have the power to let them in or keep them out. You’re in the driver’s seat. Relax. 

Love doesn’t hurt

RIP Tameka Anderson *A general domestic violence reminder to all*(due to tragic losses from my hometown earlier this evening)
 Love doesn’t hurt in any way. Don’t ignore signs because they’re little or don’t happen often. No form of abuse(whether mentally,physically,sexually,verbally,financially) should ever be taken lightly,because it’s almost always a gateway to worse things. Get out…stay out.. No one said it would be easy..it probably won’t be, but it is MORE than worth it.Have a plan and a support team. You don’t have to go through storms,rain,or pain to see happiness. You don’t owe it to anyone to return to situations or people that cause those things or make you feel they’re normal and define love. Break unhealthy cycles before it’s too late. 💕 (yes I’ve been rereading my own book lol