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Have you ever planned to spend time with someone, and they go missing for the rest of the day? I don’t know about you but when things like that happen, I go into major reflection mode. To me,those “no call no show” moments are much deeper than the lack of consideration we tend to focus on. I always feel there’s a bigger reason why things didn’t happen as they were expected to.
It may be as simple as someone forgetting to call you back when they said they would in order to make the definite plans. Hey,stuff happens. However, when it’s someone that is claiming to be interested in you intimately, lack of follow through tends to take on a different meaning.
Lack of reliability has different levels to me. I can’t see myself getting disappointed at one of my best friends canceling on a night out, like I would for a guy that says he wants to be more with me, yet flakes on scheduled date night. It’s the same with phone calls. My girlfriends and I have good intentions to keep in touch by phone in a more consistent manner,but it gets more and more difficult as each year passes and we all advance with personal endeavors,etc. However, like most women walking this planet, we wouldn’t tolerate the same lack of communication from a love interest or a guy that claims to want a relationship of significance with us.
Don’t get me wrong. Lack of follow through may not be something that’s a big deal to them,but it doesn’t make it any less significant for you. You have a right to be mad and/or disappointed when someone stands you up,or simply doesn’t do what they said they would,no matter who they are to you. You have a right to release the idea of making plans with them again. You have the right to release anyone that is flaky from your life if their reliability doesn’t suit your standards.
Back to the point of my post. Recently I was asked on more than one occasion by someone interested in me intimately to spend time on my off day. I couldn’t commit to a specific time due to other obligations including mommy duties,but did let them know that I was cool with that. However,that day rolled around and when I attempted to make plans I was dismissed for the evening with a text message saying “I’ll hit you up in a little bit”. Of course that was at 7 in the evening,and “in a little bit” never came.
When I got in bed that night, I began to reflect on the situation, and what it could possibly mean in the bigger picture, outside of him just not following through. I realized that maybe this was God’s way of protecting me from a compromising situation that He knows I try so hard to not involve myself in day to day. I’m not just talking physically,but emotionally, and spiritually also. Maybe we weren’t able to align our schedules after trying all week to come together simply because we might not be meant to spend too much alone time together.
Perhaps this is God’s way of nudging me of away from making decisions that don’t align with the desires of the heart, and the healthy relationship I know that He has intended for me . 💕
So often we go into situations with an extremely hopeful mind that things will be different this time around. We decide to take a positive approach,because in our mind and heart it makes sense to give relationships our all if we’re gonna give them any consideration at all. Your intentions are good. You want it to work. We all deserve second chances…right?
Whatever you decide to do,be realistic. Just because your intentions are good, doesn’t mean that someone else’s towards you will be. The movies make second chances look beautiful,with happy endings that warm everyone’s hearts. The reality is that not all second chances will be magical.
Not all second starts will produce happily ever afters, or even great beginnings. Sometimes people want second chances simply because they are opportunists.They sense the vulnerability and/or convenience, and want to capitalize on that.
On the other hand,sometimes they do like you, just not enough to want a committed relationship. Sometimes they feel a second chance will make things right between you two, and that things will be better. The problem is sometimes simply that everyone we want is not necessarily meant for us. The old saying goes “everything good to us is not good for us”.
I don’t know about anyone else,but I like to pray over situations like this. I ask God to reveal the intentions in others and bless me with discernment so that I can know what doors need to be opened as well as which ones to shut.
I hope when the time comes for you to make a decision on giving someone a second chance that you remember not what you want, but what you deserve. I hope that you evaluate intentions and make the decision that is best for not just your happiness,but your wholeness. 💕