Rihanna gets tired of men sometimes…and I can damn sure relate

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Rihanna has been killing it lately. From the Fenty beauty line to new lingerie and movie roles, she has been living her best life and doesn’t show any signs of losing steam. It’s been reported recently that superstar Rihanna has allegedly broken up with her latest billionaire boyfriend, and the reason given was that she ” just gets tired of men sometimes”. As soon as I read her reasoning, I immediately threw my hands in the air and yelled a long and dramatic ” YESSSSSSSSSSS GIRL!!!”, and I can only imagine that plenty of other women across the world felt exactly the same (even if they didn’t react in the extra-ish way that I did).

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Now before the social media world decides to begin crucifying Rihanna or any other women that agree with her feelings, take a minute to breathe and understand that what she said is not “male-bashing”.  She’s not disowning men or saying anything disrespectful. She’s also not “breaking hearts as usual” like the media has made her out to be doing. Rihanna is just expressing what many of us go through and vent about in our own circles. The truth is….we DO get tired of men sometimes, and that’s totally okay. We get sick of them sometimes just as they get sick of us sometimes. However, it’s always seemed to be more socially acceptable for men to complain about us, and not the other way around. Men get to complain about how indecisive, moody, boring, dramatic, petty, full of crap,etc. women are, and the rest of the world laughs and often agrees. However, any woman that speaks up about men doing many of the same things,is called a male-basher or “bitter”.

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I can absolutely relate to Rihanna’s decision to allegedly end the relationship for the reason that she did. I’ve been there on more than one occasion. Sometimes two people just don’t work out, and not everybody chooses to sit in situations trying to force them to work or change. People stop messing around everyday. Breakups and/or ending a casual dating situation doesn’t have to be due to someone cheating, being abusive, or something dramatic all the time. Sometimes you’re just…..over it. Every relationship you find yourself involved in is not meant to last, and you’re not a terrible person for deciding to walk away once you realize that. You’re not a terrible person or a “man eater” simply because you choose to make decisions for your own love life and what is needed to maintain happiness in your life journey. Things don’t have to be falling apart or toxic for them to end….sometimes it’s simply that what once worked for you just doesn’t anymore. And some people are strong enough to not settle, because we know that walking alone isn’t the same thing as being lonely.

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Some men are just like some women in many ways. They sometimes complain too much, do too much, lie too much, get lazy, and plenty of other things we all tend to get sick of when dealing with the opposite sex at times. And sometimes we may just think we want a relationship, only to realize -once we get into one- that being single was the better option at that point in time. Not only that, sometimes we just realize that the person we’ve decided to be with is not the person we see ourselves with for the long haul after all. We’re not so different from men. We all want to be happy and in control of who and what we spend most of our time and energy on. Rihanna’s no different than the rest of us in that aspect.

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Is Rihanna toxic? I don’t know. Were they even in an official, committed relationship? Who knows? Is there a pattern of her jumping from relationship to relationship? I don’t follow her love life enough to know these things. What I do know is that I’m giving Rihanna the ultimate high five right now, if the reports are even true. Her actions are proving that not only is she taking control of her life and who remains in it…she’s also completely content with just doing her. So why is this a problem when a woman does it, but when a guy chooses to walk away from a relationship, he’s only trying to find “the right one”?

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This isn’t really even about Rihanna or her love life for me. It’s about society’s ridiculous way of determining a woman’s value by her relationship status. The narrative that an independent woman who is actually happy and single has to have something wrong or toxic going on is played out and tired. The narrative that if you’re single it’s because you can’t find or keep a man is even more ridiculous. Some of the most abusive, toxic people stay in relationships the longest. I’m not saying you have to jump in and out of relationships depending on which way the wind blows, and I’m not saying that you need to be a serial dater either. I’m simply saying that when you find yourself not being happy with the situation you’re in, you’re not obligated or a monster if you choose not to stay. You don’t need a partner attached at your hip to enjoy life. You don’t need to be in a relationship to win, and you don’t need anyone by your side in order to feel valuable,desired, or significant. It’s not a crime to remove yourself from any relationship that you no longer desire, instead of leading anyone on or remaining unhappy. So yes…some of us do get tired of men sometimes, and guess what? If we choose to take a break from them altogether and just focus on ourselves…there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

 

 

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Leslie Jones is no different than you and I

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

The other day, beautiful and hilarious actress Leslie Jones decided to have a transparent moment during her work out, which caused everyone to react like she was darn near suicidal. She posted a picture, and the caption for Twitter read:

“Ok back to cardio. But confession.. I feel like I’m doing it for nothing. I know it not [sic] I’m healthy and look good but I really feel like ‘what’s it all for’ if the people you want to notice don’t. I just feel like I might die alone. Sorry that’s pretty heavy today!!”

People immediately began scrambling to send her all types of messages, which were extremely uplifting! However, most of the messages revealed that a lot of people didn’t seem to get the idea Leslie was trying to get across. She wasn’t declaring low self esteem. She wasn’t declaring unhappiness with life or her looks. She simply was having a moment, like many of us tend to have at times.

Every day isn’t going to be a great day, and every moment of our day isn’t going to be positive and filled with perfect thoughts. Sometimes we have those moments where we feel down, or like the hard work we are putting in goes unnoticed sometimes. Sometimes we have moments as single women or men where we want to feel more appreciated than we are. This doesn’t make anyone desperate, lonely, or void of self esteem. It simply makes us human.

Leslie Jones doesn’t hate herself, or hate how she looks. You can take one look at her and see that she’s full of life and light. You can see the confidence she exudes. That moment of transparency was just that…..a moment. Feeling crappy will happen sometimes, and that’s okay. We all need a moment at times to vent our frustrations and be honest with ourselves, instead of trying to always make it seem like everything is okay. As long as you don’t dwell in those moments, or let those feelings overpower how good you do feel about yourself the rest of the time, it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes.

Surely you’ve had a day or two where you felt like “what’s the point in this?”, and had to check yourself later. Being single, you may have had days where you were frustrated with the single status or dating scene, and ready for something worthwhile to come along. Leslie Jones is no different. We all have our days or moments where things don’t seem to be working out like we want them to.

Leslie Jones is going to be okay, I promise. She has many things to smile about and be grateful for without stressing all day every day over guys not liking her at this moment. The same way she bounced back from her moment, is the same way you should bounce back from your own days of feeling not sure of yourself. This isn’t just a celebrity thing.  We all feel unnoticed or unappreciated at times.

Leslie Jones lives in each of us. There will be amazing days, and then there will be low moments. The beauty of it all is that we get to choose where we remain. Pity parties are okay sometimes, as long as we don’t make the small party a lifestyle or habit. Those low moments are okay, as long as we don’t dwell there. I have a feeling Leslie Jones won’t dwell there long!

 

*If you haven’t gotten the chance, please check out my latest books, “Stop Saying Yes to Mr. No Good” and “Dear Brown Girl: Letters of life & love”, available at www.Ikarliworld.bigcartel.com , Amazon, and also on Barnes & Noble !*

Divorce rates stay so high!

Divorces happen in such high numbers because a lot of people are more into the ideas of weddings,rings, and recognition instead of their partner, living as a union and all the maintenance that comes with it. You have a lot of women that are more interested in being the talk of the town rather than actually talking to their partners. 

The result is a lot of women and men end up chasing a perfect public appearance and united front full time to the point where they have no real time to actually work on the areas their marriage may be suffering. This only makes things worse. 

Focus more on improving the healthiness and happiness in your relationships, and couples won’t have to work so hard at damage control.

Later never came…

Have you ever planned to spend time with someone, and they go missing for the rest of the day? I don’t know about you but when things like that happen, I go into major reflection mode. To me,those “no call no show” moments are much deeper than the lack of consideration we tend to focus on. I always feel there’s a bigger reason why things didn’t happen as they were expected to.

It may be as simple as someone forgetting to call you back when they said they would in order to make the definite plans. Hey,stuff happens. However, when it’s someone that is claiming to be interested in you intimately, lack of follow through tends to take on a different meaning. 

Lack of reliability has different levels to me. I can’t see myself getting disappointed at one of my best friends canceling on a night out, like I would for a guy that says he wants to be more with me, yet flakes on scheduled date night. It’s the same with phone calls. My girlfriends and I have good intentions to keep in touch by phone in a more consistent manner,but it gets more and more difficult as each year passes and we all advance with personal endeavors,etc. However, like most women walking this planet, we wouldn’t tolerate the same lack of communication from a love interest or a guy that claims to want a relationship of significance with us.

Don’t get me wrong. Lack of follow through may not be something that’s a big deal to them,but it doesn’t make it any less significant for you. You have a right to be mad and/or disappointed when someone stands you up,or simply doesn’t do what they said they would,no matter who they are to you. You have a right to release the idea of making plans with them again. You have the right to release anyone that is flaky from your life if their reliability doesn’t suit your standards. 

Back to the point of my post. Recently I was asked on more than one occasion by someone interested in me intimately to spend time on my off day. I couldn’t commit to a specific time due to other obligations including mommy duties,but did let them know that I was cool with that. However,that day rolled around and when I attempted to make plans I was dismissed for the evening with a text message saying “I’ll hit you up in a little bit”. Of course that was at 7 in the evening,and “in a little bit” never came. 

When I got in bed that night, I began to reflect on the situation, and what it could possibly mean in the bigger picture, outside of him just not following through. I realized that maybe this was God’s way of protecting me from a compromising situation that He knows I try so hard to not involve myself in day to day. I’m not just talking physically,but emotionally, and spiritually also. Maybe we weren’t able to align our schedules after trying all week to come together simply because we might not be meant to spend too much alone time together. 

Perhaps this is God’s way of nudging me of away from making decisions that don’t align with the desires of the heart, and the healthy relationship I know that He has intended for me . 💕