Love doesn’t hurt

RIP Tameka Anderson *A general domestic violence reminder to all*(due to tragic losses from my hometown earlier this evening)
 Love doesn’t hurt in any way. Don’t ignore signs because they’re little or don’t happen often. No form of abuse(whether mentally,physically,sexually,verbally,financially) should ever be taken lightly,because it’s almost always a gateway to worse things. Get out…stay out.. No one said it would be easy..it probably won’t be, but it is MORE than worth it.Have a plan and a support team. You don’t have to go through storms,rain,or pain to see happiness. You don’t owe it to anyone to return to situations or people that cause those things or make you feel they’re normal and define love. Break unhealthy cycles before it’s too late. 💕 (yes I’ve been rereading my own book lol

Advertisements

4 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays While Single 

It’s that time of the year where holidays tend to bring out the best and worst of people. Cuffing season has begun, and you may be experiencing holiday anxiety due to not having a partner to bring around for dinner and gatherings. Don’t let the holidays stress you out or make you feel lonely. Here are a few ways to still enjoy the holidays without having a significant other.

Travel

If you’re one of the lucky people who gets to be off work during the holidays take advantage of the time and plan a trip. Scan over that dream vacation list or that travel bucket list you’ve been keeping all year and catch a flight! This could be an opportunity for you to travel outside of the country to somewhere new and exciting, or even somewhere local that you’ve never been. Round up a few of your friends who may not have holiday plans. You’d be surprised how many people actually prefer to escape the madness of the holidays this time of year.

Volunteer

Giving back to the community is a great way to spend time during the holidays. From feeding the homeless to simply spending time at children’s hospitals and assisted living communities, there are so many different groups of people who could use a smile on their face or assistance. Another great place to spend time during the holidays is residential facilities and group homes that house youth diagnosed with mental health conditions or developmental disabilities. Many of these places have holiday-themed events that could use volunteers for assisting with preparation or simply just doing activities with the residents. Make it a point to help positively impact someone else’s day throughout the holidays, and it will positively affect yours. There’s not too many things more uplifting than to help to uplift someone else.

Throw your own party
If you find yourself not really feeling the club scene or frequenting the bars during the holidays, throw a gathering of your own. Invite your friends and family members over for a night of drinks and fun games. Leave the invite open for them to bring others. You never know, some of your friends may have some hot family members or friends in town for the holidays! Another fun party idea during the holidays is to do a singles-themed gathering. Set up a fun night for singles to meet up to have fun and get to know each other in a less awkward environment than speed dating. Not only is this a way to enjoy yourself, but it also gives you a chance to meet others who are single and looking.
Spend time with family
The holidays can sometimes make you focus on what you don’t have as opposed to what you are blessed with. Don’t let what or who you don’t have at the time make you a party pooper during the holiday season. Spend time with your loved ones who you may not always have time to see throughout the rest of the year. After all, a partner is not the only significant person in your life, and there is more to life and the holiday season than seeking someone to get great photo opps with.
The holidays are about more than just great photo opps and having a significant other. Let your focus be loving on others this season, instead of dwelling on how difficult it is to find love for yourself. Spread love and the spirit of giving during your holidays, and you never know who may be paying attention!

New Phone..Who dis?

Thanksgiving Day opened my eyes to the fact that my list of suitors has dwindled itself down on its own throughout 2016. Upon sending out my usual “Happy Turkey Day” messages,some personalized and some general, I received at least 8 “Who is this?” responses back from guys who have expressed interest throughout the years. 😳 I stopped counting at 8. 

Although some followed it up with the typical lie about getting a new phone 🙄 once they realized who I was, it didn’t make things any better for them. Some even tried to make plans to hang out once they realized it was me, which I politely declined or simply ignored and changed the subject. The damage was already done…..but it wasn’t really damage at all. A better description would be to say that those chapters of my life closed on that day.

I don’t have anything against those guys. In fact, I actually thank them, because they removed themselves and made my Quarterly  Tenderoni Purge a little easier. Being honest with myself, the ones that seem to have gotten “new phones” were mainly guys that were only trying to have sex with me, didn’t want anything serous, or were already involved on & off with significant others and came with drama and baggage. 

Sometimes things just work out that way, whether it’s because you aren’t strong enough to end things, secretly want to keep those doors open, or just flat out don’t care enough to even make the effort to remove people that don’t belong. Life has a way of sometimes helping nudge you along in the right direction. I’m going to assume that it’s God answering my daily prayers about removing those from my life that don’t respect me or find me valuable. 

I guess now that I’ve mentioned God I probably shouldn’t crack a joke that I need to get my heaux count back up… 🤔 

Expensive Gifts: To Accept or not to Accept

So recently a guy that has been courting me for quite some time saw me tweeting me online in the middle of the night about cell phones. I was going on one of my mini rants about my love/hate relationship with IPhones,but talking about how much I liked the IPhone 7 plus camera. A few days later, I received a call from Mr. Great Guy (that’s what we’ll call him☺️for more reasons than just this story) telling me that he had a surprise for me. The surprise was that he had purchased the IPhone 7 plus for me as one of my early Christmas gifts. 

Now I’m not one to turn down gifts because I find it a little bit rude to do so,but we’re talking a $900 gift here. The only reason I know that is because I had been pricing it myself,and had already added it to my own “to purchase” list. Knowing this, I quickly told him that I couldn’t accept a gift that expensive  from someone I was not in a relationship with. 

Here’s the thing. I’ve received expensive gifts from significant others,so it’s not that it’s something I’m not used to. I just feel a tad bit uncomfortable receiving a gift so expensive from someone who is trying to date me. The reality is there are a lot of people out there that live by “quid pro quo” and expect something for something, and knowing that has caused me to be very cautious about accepting things from others. I don’t think Mr. Great Guy falls under that category,as he’s made it very clear in his actions the whole time he’s courted me that he is a respectful gentleman. However, I still feel that maybe the gift was a little bit too much.

Mr. Great Guy disagrees,and justified the gift with the fact that I was going to spend the money to buy the phone myself anyway. He has a point, and due to his profession I know that it didn’t burn a hole in his pockets. However I still couldn’t help but feel bad about accepting such an expensive gift. Eventually (5 days later after much back and forth) I gave in. 

The whole situation caused us to have a great convo about gift giving though. It brought about some great questions. 

Overall,is it a good idea to make a habit of accepting expensive gifts from people seeking to be in a relationship with you?

Is anything too “expensive” when it comes to buying gifts in the courting phase? At what point do you draw the line on what you’ll accept from a friend? 

The bottom line: Would I take a chance accepting a gift this expensive from any random guy? I doubt it. At least not without coming to a clear understanding that my accepting of the gift does not put me or my goods up as redeemable. 😒

But this time around,due to consistency and great character being paired with it,I’d say it’s okay. ☺️ Merry early Christmas to me. 🎄☃️🎁

Treat yourself for Valentines Day

Here are a few things that I have done in the past to enjoy Valentine’s Day as a single gal. Maybe you’ll find some of these ideas exciting or bearable 🙂

Featured image

Go shopping (there’s never a wrong time to shop)

Featured image

Treat yourself to a nice dinner (don’t worry….couples will be too busy wooing each other to even notice you’re eating alone…it’s not as bad as it sounds…I eat alone often, voluntarily these days)

Featured image

Go see a movie (Selma’s still playing…pick a thriller or a comedy….avoid love stories if you’re already feeling sad about spending vday alone)

Featured image

Hang out with some of your single friends (hit a club, a vday party, a nice bar……you may be shocked to know that valentines night is a great way to meet single guys…they’re out and about just like you)

Featured image

Take a day trip (or a vacation…..who says you have to reserve your celebration of the holiday to just one day?)

Featured image

Stay home, turn off your phone (if your friends and family aren’t worried you’re going to harm yourself), and catch up on rest you haven’t gotten all week (there’s nothing wrong with treating Valentines Day as just another…..day….no one said you had to celebrate at all.)

Featured image

Treat yourself to a nice massage and spa day….(get naked…get rubbed on…get beautified 🙂 )

Spring Cleaning time is here! (Vday installment)

Featured image

So….if you know me well, you know that I have this thing I do a few times a year called “Spring Cleaning”. It has nothing to do with cleaning my house or my car (which currently looks like I live out of it due to how much I stay on the go). It’s the cleaning out and decluttering of my personal life and cell phone. I realized a long time ago that many of the fellas I come across are only good for a season. Some are sadly only good for a second. These dead end guys have no place in my life, so there is no need to keep their contact information around to easily access them. This is where Spring Cleaning comes into play.

My Valentines Day Spring Cleaning episode consists of any guy that does not engage in the following:

Calling/texting me to wish me a happy valentines day

Buying a gift (price doesnt matter) for me as a sweet/kind gesture

Let me be clear: I don’t expect every male I’ve ever known or been involved with to buy me something for Vday. That would be very selfish. However, there are a few guys that fall into this category automatically:

Guys that are showing interest in me right now

Guys that are in my inbox and on my cell phone always trying to sleep with me

Guys that I have a lengthy history with (that are still trying to maintain what we once had)

In other words, if you are still in my life claiming I’m “the one”, “the one that got away”, “the perfect girl”, or just simply trying to see if you can sleep with me……you should have the decency and enough consideration for me to at LEAST buy a $.99 cent Vday card to show your appreciation. Oh, and all the guys that stay in my inbox although they have girlfriends? They’re not excluded. If you have time and determination to try and make me your girlfriend #2, you should have enough decency to give your “potential girlfriend #2” a happy Vday message.

Here’s the thing: I will always treat myself on Valentines Day. Why? Because I love the holiday,and I’m always looking for an excuse to pamper myself. However, it doesn’t make sense to have so many guys in my phone and life, and not one of them has texted or called yet requesting my address…and Vday is Saturday. Why am I letting guys that dont think enough of me to show their appreciation for me in even the smallest way still play a part in my day to day? This is why Spring Cleaning is so important. February 15th at midnight starts a whole new slate for me every year. No more attention and effort given to guys that aren’t willing to reciprocate. They can find another chick to communicate with at their convenience. So if you happen to notice that my name is no longer popping up on your phone, and your messages are being read but not responded to online after Vday, just know…you’ve been Spring Cleaned. 🙂 No hard feelings….just trying to be better instead of bitter over dead end situations.