The No Panties Dash

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I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. The no panties dash seems to be the latest popular two step, for obvious reasons. When I refer to the no panties dash, I am speaking about how quickly some guys make a break for it once they realize you’re not going to sleep with them, or that you’re going to make them wait longer than they want to.

It’s funny…..not sleeping around used to be the cool thing. Being a woman who respects herself and doesnt share her goodies with everybody used to be a hot commodity. Now you’re considered lame, a prude, boring, and many other things. For every no you give to a guy, there’s 50 other women already propositioning him, some of them even willing to bring other girls into the picture. How do you compete in a world where promiscuity seems to be the “in” thing?

Frankly, Im tired of guys doing the no panties dash away from me. However, with that frustration and disappointment also comes satisfaction of knowing that they only had one thing in mind from jump. It’s best to weed them out quickly rather than to get attached and then be disappointed in how things are going.

Living here in Florida, my experience with no panties dashing men has been frequent. Guys approach you all the time, and immediately begin talking about sex and what they wanna do to you. As soon as you even drop a hint that you’d like to get to know them better, or that you’re not interested in anything sexual, they run for the hills. Some will stay around hoping that you’ll eventually give in, but many of them know that what you’re not willing to do,plenty other women desperate for male attention will do it times ten.

I just cant help but wonder when I will run into a guy that would rather two step with me instead of highstepping away from me because they can’t get the drawers (Tommy voice)

The all access baby mama

waynetriangleThe babymama….a topic that never seems to grow stale. In this instance, I’d like to discuss the woman who has kids with a guy that she’s no longer with. A conversation that always seems to come up at some point is that regarding the accessibility of the baby mama. I hate that word, by the way, so this may be the most you will ever hear me use it. Is it true that males always have sexual access to their child or children’s mother?

The answer you will normally hear is yes. Mostly everyone seems to think that once a woman has a kid with someone, they always have a sweet spot for them, and their sexual relationship remains in tact. Many women are afraid to date guys with kids because of this very reason. They are afraid that their partner may step out of the relationship and continue to have sex with their childs mother. They cringe at the thought that whenever little Timmy is being picked up from his mommy’s house, daddy is getting his swerve on as an added bonus. I can’t deny this…in many cases this is true. I just don’t believe that this is the case for all women with kids.

I don’t agree with the statement that all babymamas give it up to their childrens’ fathers forever. Will it happen in the beginning stages? More than likely. However, there are females out there that have had babies from a one night stand, or with a guy that they have broken everything off with. There are some who have slept with a married man and had his baby, ending their long time affair due to the fact that a child was the result. All situations are not the same.

Being the all access baby mama shows weakness, although many that are guilty of this will defend it by saying they are in control of everything. Allowing someone easy access to your bed just because you had a child together is usually done for a few reasons.

1. The sex was great, and I’m still single so I can do what I want.
2. This will give me a way to hold on to him in some capacity since the relationship didnt work out.
3. This will make him want me back/This will make him leave his new chick for me.
4. I don’t feel like Im good enough to get anyone else, so why not stick with what I’m used to?

All of these reasons come from a place of unhealthiness, unhappiness, and low self esteem. Come up with any excuse you want, but the truth behind them all is that you don’t understand your worth yet. It’s not the end of the world. I’ve definitely had my moments as an all access chick to someone I care about in the past. We make mistakes, but we only hurt ourselves when we don’t choose to learn from them. The moral of the story? If it wasn’t good enough to last……you probably shouldnt still be giving him access to the a**. Excuse my bluntness.

Keep Calm……I’m not going to steal your man

I think that one of the most annoying things about being a single woman is that women always seem to feel intimidated by you. The minute you walk into a room, they grab their men as if the wind is bound to sweep them right into your arms. Some of them begin to show more affection than theyve shown their man in years, just to make sure you see it. I see those insecure behaviors and I raise you an “i dont want/need your man”. This behavior is even popular on social networks, where women gush repetitively about how happy their man makes them and makes sure they check in anywhere they can with their partner, in hopes that it will scare off any single women, or women they may already be sharing their man with.

Why is it that single women get such a bad reputation? We don’t chase taken men anymore than some that are in relationships and/or married do, truth be told.  Of course, I’m not to blame for any other woman’s insecurity about their relationship, but every now and then it bothers me that I can’t walk into a room alone, looking good, smelling good, feeling fabulous, and not have holes burned through me from the eyes of women in relationships. It also sucks trying to maintain friendships with the opposite sex when they are in relationships. Their girlfriends never seem to understand the innocent bond, unless its an unattractive chick. For some reason ugly chicks can be friends with their men. Little do they know, those chicks they label unattractive may be turning more tricks for their man than the attractive female ever would even think of. But I digress.

Ladies…..relax. I’m single, I’m not Jezebel, and insecurity is unattractive to your man, fyi. You’re welcome.

At what point does partying and “bros over h*es” get old?

 Maybe I’ve just been assuming all this time….I honestly thought the whole “friends before females” mentality kinda died off after college years. More and more I am finding out that it only gets worse for men that havent completely grown up in their 20s and 30s. When I say “friends before females” I mean the guys that still want to be in the club at least 3 nights a week, and choose to put their boys first on their priority list before their relationship.

Really? Maybe Im missing something, but the last couple of times I’ve went to the club it was the same ol scenery: Men standing around seeking out prey, and thirsty women desperately seeking to be chosen, while the songs that get played out on the radio every day boomed out of the speakers, and everyone got wastey faced. What is so great about the club that you have to have it in your life in excess when you have a partner at home?

I get it….many of the men still frequenting the club are still out there doing their thing behind their partners backs, but are the rest  just immature? At what point does partying every night of the week get old? And I know quite a few that party like they get paid for it, then they complain that their girlfriends dont do the things they used to do. More than likely, its probably because you spend all your free time chasing skirts and hanging with the homies.

I’m just curious of when this immature mentality tends to phase itself out in men….and women (we’re not exempt, ladies).

Facebook peeping can mess with your mind

Facebook stalking can be good and bad, in my opinion. Is it kinda creepy at times? Yes. Is it annoying when you know someone is doing it to you? Absolutely! But it’s convenient when you are doing your own investigative work.

I had a little Facebook stalker-ish moment of my own yesterday. You know how you sometimes just want to check on someone and see what they’re up to, or what kind of day they’ve had? Well, after I left work I decided to do just that with one of my throwback hotties that has recently reappeared with a desire to take things to the next level. However, upon me checking his page, I noticed that his most recent post was one of a subliminal nature. I won’t reveal what it said because that would give away his identity. However, it was clear that he seemed to be frustrated and cutting a female off. Allthough I knew this obviously wasnt about me, it bothered me and gave me wayyyyyy too many questions, causing me to overthink.

Was this why he hasn’t been as available in the past few months? Is he only trying to be with me now as a rebound? Is he still dealing with this chick? Will she come back around as soon as she finds out hes in a relationship with me? All these questions due to one facebook post that might even have been misinterpreted wrong. It’s not like I haven’t been wrong in the past about people’s posting.

Facebook stalking……is it worth it? Some people dissect other people’s pages for things that they know will either upset them, hurt their feelings, or give them negative things to say. Do you ever really hear of someone dissecting someone else’s page for positive reasons?Why do we set ourselves up for things that may piss us off, or make us feel bad?
When it comes to facebook stalking, are you more of a victim or offender?

Alone vs Lonely….sometimes they do overlap

dinner-copy-thumbAs I was leaving to go grab my dinner, I received a phone call from a long time friend, Jeremy. We chatted and laughed as usual, but then he started asking me what I’ve been up to, and what I do for fun. The more and more I talked, the more I realized it was all about work, work outside of work, and wining/dining myself. Finally he stated “I’m concerned that you’re alone most of the time and always working.” It wasn’t until then that I realized how much time I actually spend alone.  My social life for the most part is nonexistent, and I overwork like work will be out of style by 2014.  It was nice to see that a good friend cared about me enough to tell me about my ridiculous overworking ways, but what really stood out to me was the abnormal time I spend alone…and the fact that I’m okay with that.

I preach all the time about there being a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I am a firm believer of that. Being alone is physical…being lonely is an emotion. Being alone can be positive and negative,while being lonely can only be negative. However, I won’t deceive others into thinking that the two don’t overlap every now and then. Every day in being alone is not a great one. For the most part I keep myself occupied with work, spending time with my son, and of course football (seasonal), so being alone doesn’t bother me much. I have great friends and suitors that I have a great time with when I do decide to go beyond the four walls of my home, but still every now and then there is a random feeling of loneliness. Sure, I could call up a few people and laugh/cry/vent about my day, but sometimes that doesn’t seem to be enough. It may have been enough the day before, and it may be enough the day after. However, at that current moment the lack of companionship causes a void.

It took me a while to understand the out-of-the-blue lonely feelings that were happening, but then I realized it was totally normal to feel that way every now and then. It’s healthy to long for companionship, as long as it doesn’t consume you. So don’t be alarmed when being alone and being lonely overlap. Everyone feels lonely at times, including people in relationships.

The return of blogging….

I’ve been asked over and over and over again why I no longer blog. People have even went as far as to say that I think I’m above blogging since I get paid to write articles and I’m finally publishing my books these days.  Due to being paid to write newsworthy style pieces, I tend to leave my own opinions and personal experiences out of my column work. I had no idea that this was one of the very things that others want to hear. So here I am, starting to blog again, not just to please the people, but to also give the other personalities in my mind a little bit of a break from counseling themselves. Don’t say I didn’t warn you in advance of the madness.