Back to Blue


Never again is what I told myself over and over  in the years after you left. I said I would never give you an opportunity to hurt and abandon me like you once did. I reminded myself that you didn’t deserve someone like me, and that I’d be foolish to ever allow you in if you ever returned. 

Yet there you were,reappearing as if you never left. Returning with the desire to prove to me that you deserved and were prepared for another chance to be everything I wanted and needed. Melting all my hesitation away with that smile of yours, and those arms that held me like they never wanted to let me go. 

But they did. They let me go just as fast as they returned. You came back and shook my world upside down just to end up leaving everything in disarray. You begged to be let back into my heart only to leave the door open for regret and pain when you walked back through it. 

You made me believe in you all over again,just to prove to me you were exactly who you proved you were the first time.

Advertisements

Soundtrack of my heart: “Fool of Me”-Me’Shell NdegeOcello

I’ll never forget how this song made me cry from my soul as these two played a 1 on 1 basketball game for his heart at the end of “Love and Basketball”. This song is so beautiful, yet so sad! It’s meaningful to me even to this day because I’ve experienced this songs lyrics on so many different levels.

Everyone at some point knows how it feels to care deeply about someone that wants nothing to do with you,for whatever reason. Everyone has at least one person that they feel made a fool out of them and broke their heart in some way. There’s not too many things more cruel than snatching someone’s heart out of their chest and stomping on it with the harsh reality that interest and feelings just aren’t there anymore…or never were.  

The words are everything, and her voice is perfect for delivering them. 

Take a listen here.

Later never came…๏ปฟ

Have you ever planned to spend time with someone, and they go missing for the rest of the day? I don’t know about you but when things like that happen, I go into major reflection mode. To me,those “no call no show” moments are much deeper than the lack of consideration we tend to focus on. I always feel there’s a bigger reason why things didn’t happen as they were expected to.

It may be as simple as someone forgetting to call you back when they said they would in order to make the definite plans. Hey,stuff happens. However, when it’s someone that is claiming to be interested in you intimately, lack of follow through tends to take on a different meaning. 

Lack of reliability has different levels to me. I can’t see myself getting disappointed at one of my best friends canceling on a night out, like I would for a guy that says he wants to be more with me, yet flakes on scheduled date night. It’s the same with phone calls. My girlfriends and I have good intentions to keep in touch by phone in a more consistent manner,but it gets more and more difficult as each year passes and we all advance with personal endeavors,etc. However, like most women walking this planet, we wouldn’t tolerate the same lack of communication from a love interest or a guy that claims to want a relationship of significance with us.

Don’t get me wrong. Lack of follow through may not be something that’s a big deal to them,but it doesn’t make it any less significant for you. You have a right to be mad and/or disappointed when someone stands you up,or simply doesn’t do what they said they would,no matter who they are to you. You have a right to release the idea of making plans with them again. You have the right to release anyone that is flaky from your life if their reliability doesn’t suit your standards. 

Back to the point of my post. Recently I was asked on more than one occasion by someone interested in me intimately to spend time on my off day. I couldn’t commit to a specific time due to other obligations including mommy duties,but did let them know that I was cool with that. However,that day rolled around and when I attempted to make plans I was dismissed for the evening with a text message saying “I’ll hit you up in a little bit”. Of course that was at 7 in the evening,and “in a little bit” never came. 

When I got in bed that night, I began to reflect on the situation, and what it could possibly mean in the bigger picture, outside of him just not following through. I realized that maybe this was God’s way of protecting me from a compromising situation that He knows I try so hard to not involve myself in day to day. I’m not just talking physically,but emotionally, and spiritually also. Maybe we weren’t able to align our schedules after trying all week to come together simply because we might not be meant to spend too much alone time together. 

Perhaps this is God’s way of nudging me of away from making decisions that don’t align with the desires of the heart, and the healthy relationship I know that He has intended for me . ๐Ÿ’•

Date Fails: Rude Boy

I went out on a date once with a guy that a mutual friend “hooked me up” with. I hate when people play Cupid or matchmaker with me,by the way.๐Ÿ˜’ So I meet him at the restaurant we agreed to enjoy happy hour and an early dinner at. 

He was rude from the time we walked into the restaurant all the way up until we parted ways.  He caught a nasty attitude with the hostess, pitched a fit about the table we were seated at, and was very condescending to the waiter. I wa s completely embarrassed! If you know me,you know I do not like rudeness and condescending people. I feel that behavior makes people look the exact opposite of what they are trying to appear as. 

This guy had the waiter running back and forth to the kitchen wth food that was too hot,too cold, drinks that didn’t taste right, and by the end of the night had the manager at the table on two different occasions regarding sending food back for not being cooked to his liking,smh.

I was so embarrassed I barely could even hold a conversation with him. Not that it even mattered because he only wanted to talk about himself the whole time anyway, and in a very loud manner.

To top all this off, when the bill came… his card declined. I ended up footing the bill,leaving the restaurant in a hurry, and never talking to him again. 

Relationship Goals: My parents

Happy anniversary to my mama and daddy,the best parents ever๐Ÿ’•. I believe in healthy love because they live it. I believe in happiness because they exhibit it. I believe in marriage because they’ve been doing it well for 44+ years. I believe in happily ever afters and living a life full of blessings and blessing others because I see them live it daily. I can hashtag #relationshipgoals all day on random pics but the truth is these two are the ultimate #marriagegoal #relationshipgoal for me๐Ÿ’•you guys are why I will never settle for anything mediocre,unhealthy,or unfulfilling ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’‹

Second chances don’t always produce happy endings, like in the movies

So often we go into situations with an extremely hopeful mind that things will be different this time around. We decide to take a positive approach,because in our mind and heart it makes sense to give relationships our all if we’re gonna give them any consideration at all. Your intentions are good. You want it to work. We all deserve second chances…right?

Whatever you decide to do,be realistic. Just because your intentions are good, doesn’t mean that someone else’s towards you will be. The movies make second chances look beautiful,with happy endings that warm everyone’s hearts. The reality is that not all second chances will be magical. 

Not all second starts will produce happily ever afters, or even great beginnings. Sometimes people want second chances simply because they are opportunists.They sense the vulnerability and/or convenience, and want to capitalize on that. 

On the other hand,sometimes they do like you, just not enough to want a committed relationship.  Sometimes they feel a second chance will make things right between you two, and that things will be better. The problem is sometimes simply that everyone we want is not necessarily meant for us. The old saying goes “everything good to us is not good for us”. 

I don’t know about anyone else,but I like to pray over situations like this. I ask God to reveal the intentions in others and bless me with discernment so that I can know what doors need to be opened as well as which ones to shut. 

I hope when the time comes for you to make a decision on giving someone a second chance that you remember not what you want, but what you deserve. I hope that you evaluate intentions and make the decision that is best for not just your happiness,but your wholeness. ๐Ÿ’• 

When the past walks back into your life….

Sometimes, whether you like it or not, the past makes a guest appearance in your life. It gives you all kinds of mixed emotions. You tell yourself that you won’t fall for the same things that got your heart broken last time. You convince yourself that maybe….just maybe…they’ve returned as a sign that you should give them another chance. You wonder why the cards fell this way to make you have to wonder anything at all about this person that you thought you wouldn’t hear from ever again. 

But just like that,they’re back. And so is your confusion. What will you do if they want to see you? What will you do if they reach for your hand or a kiss? All kinds of hypothetical questions cross your mind and upset your whole being. 

Breathe…remember why things didn’t work out. Only you know the true reasons, and only you know if that person deserves another chance to be in your life. Don’t overcomplicate things. You have the power to let them in or keep them out. You’re in the driver’s seat. Relax.