“Why are you single”

For the last few years, there has been a specific question many have asked of me, that question being “why are you single?”. I don’t think people understand how detailed that answer really is. How do you answer that question without pulling up a chair and pouring a glass of wine (keeping the bottle nearby) to prepare to chat for the rest of the evening? More than likely, any person you ask is going to have more than one reason why they’re single, whether they’re honest with you about the reasons or not.

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with being single, and frankly it’s sad that people view being single as a punishment and/or “bad karma”. While some may ask you that question in disbelief, there are many that will ask that question with a preconceived assumption that you have failed. They believe you are not good enough, or couldn’t keep the men you had in the past.

I used to answer the question “why are you single?” with a textbook quote or two. I would say “I’m waiting on him to find me”, or “I’m working on me”. These statements were truthful, but we all know people don’t really believe that coming from a single woman,although it’s totally believable coming from a single guy. Nevertheless, that was my response and I stuck to it. People accept those statements with a raised eyebrow, a roll of their eyes, and they walk away semi-satisfied. However, as time has passed, I realized the most honest answer I can give to that question is that………I’m not exactly sure why I’m still single.

In a world where everyone is shouting they want loyalty, hard working women, and inner beauty, sadly those are in fact the same women I continue to counsel throughout my career. So if everyone’s looking for this type of woman, coined the “good woman”, then why is it that most women that display all those qualities are still single? Someone’s lying on either what they want in a partner, or what kind of person they really are. When I look at all the things that I was taught growing up about being a lady and self-respect, it seems that I possess all the right qualities. According to many men, I’m a “catch”, some even going as far as to say I’m the “perfect catch”. Interestingly, I remain alone throughout all the praise I get day to day from the opposite sex.

I know that being single is definitely a choice. I chose to be single after leaving a long term relationship that had become unhealthy. I understand that even though people may choose to be single, they still hope to find love one day and understand that being single is not permanent. However, does the amount of time we are single depend on the opposite sex overall? In order to get into a relationship, no matter how ready you are for one, you have to find someone who is willing to be your significant other. This can be frustrating,especially these days when most (not all) guys prefer a certain look, weight, no kids, etc. Let’s not forget we are truly living in times where “h*es stay winning”, and I’m not a member of that team either. So I guess being single has a way of being your choice as well as your circumstance…..to be continued….

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