The all access baby mama

waynetriangleThe babymama….a topic that never seems to grow stale. In this instance, I’d like to discuss the woman who has kids with a guy that she’s no longer with. A conversation that always seems to come up at some point is that regarding the accessibility of the baby mama. I hate that word, by the way, so this may be the most you will ever hear me use it. Is it true that males always have sexual access to their child or children’s mother?

The answer you will normally hear is yes. Mostly everyone seems to think that once a woman has a kid with someone, they always have a sweet spot for them, and their sexual relationship remains in tact. Many women are afraid to date guys with kids because of this very reason. They are afraid that their partner may step out of the relationship and continue to have sex with their childs mother. They cringe at the thought that whenever little Timmy is being picked up from his mommy’s house, daddy is getting his swerve on as an added bonus. I can’t deny this…in many cases this is true. I just don’t believe that this is the case for all women with kids.

I don’t agree with the statement that all babymamas give it up to their childrens’ fathers forever. Will it happen in the beginning stages? More than likely. However, there are females out there that have had babies from a one night stand, or with a guy that they have broken everything off with. There are some who have slept with a married man and had his baby, ending their long time affair due to the fact that a child was the result. All situations are not the same.

Being the all access baby mama shows weakness, although many that are guilty of this will defend it by saying they are in control of everything. Allowing someone easy access to your bed just because you had a child together is usually done for a few reasons.

1. The sex was great, and I’m still single so I can do what I want.
2. This will give me a way to hold on to him in some capacity since the relationship didnt work out.
3. This will make him want me back/This will make him leave his new chick for me.
4. I don’t feel like Im good enough to get anyone else, so why not stick with what I’m used to?

All of these reasons come from a place of unhealthiness, unhappiness, and low self esteem. Come up with any excuse you want, but the truth behind them all is that you don’t understand your worth yet. It’s not the end of the world. I’ve definitely had my moments as an all access chick to someone I care about in the past. We make mistakes, but we only hurt ourselves when we don’t choose to learn from them. The moral of the story? If it wasn’t good enough to last……you probably shouldnt still be giving him access to the a**. Excuse my bluntness.

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